i spoke to my friend nathan about the dreams ive been having, particularly that i dreamt i found my friend that i might be in love with hidden in the back of my cupboard dressed as a goblin talking in a scary voice where he told me he'd been hiding there for 3 weeks.
my friend nathan is all about the meditation and he taught me an exercise in vispassana meditation about unlocking suppressed emotions and repressed feelings and it was deep, i visualised my friend, the goblin in the cupboard, and my heart filled full of excitement and anticipation it was so nice and glowing and i focused on the feeling, it was hard not to, it was pure happiness but then it changed it grew hard and small in my chest and left an expanse of pain and emptiness around it and i felt tired and my smokers chest pains were agony and i wanted to be alone and i put the song on and the bit where he sings 'and you should always pass when you get the inside lane' was too much, i cried so hard, it was a shock i didn't know the tears were coming and they hit so fast, just rushing through me, i could feel them in my blood like a rush of mdma or something. and in exhaustion and all my emotional state i just lay there and sobbed away.
since then i am way more self aware and much less crazy and i love the song even more.
i'm writing this cos im sitting here listening to it and reading about it on song meanings.com and people have written all these complex unpickings of the lyrics and symbolism paragraphs and pages of what it means to them and what it could mean to the singer and then one person has just written one sentence of what the song means to them;
'General Comment:you are the reason for my impending destruction
and i want you anyways.'
and it blew my little mind/hyper heart in two.
anyway
here's the song xxx
